Oops! It looks like you are using an outdated browser. In order to view our brand new website and it's amazing features please upgrade your browser.
I’ll never forget when I met some of my idols.
I was 20 and living in New York for modelling. It had been a really rough time – while my agency back in Australia was always happy with how I looked, my New York agency seemed desperate to change me. I didn’t fit the measurements they wanted, so was asked to come in a couple of times a week to monitor my weight loss. The pressure was so intense, I was working out two times a day and stopped eating any of the foods I loved. I wasn’t going out with friends, or enjoying my life. I was losing weight but I was fading away mentally!
When I met some of the supermodels I’d looked up to for years, I thought they’d be brimming with confidence. To me, these women were perfect, and yet they couldn’t see that in themselves at all. When we were at the gym one day, I watched as these women picked on themselves in the mirroring – critiquing how they looked, and what they didn’t like about their appearance. At that moment, it dawned on me: nobody thinks they’re perfect. We all have our insecurities.
When I got back to Melbourne, and left the agency that made me feel like I wasn’t good enough, the unhealthy approach to food and fitness still stuck with me. The insecurities I had gained living overseas had come home with me. All those months of crazy exercise and restriction meant I lapsed into a dangerous cycle of binge eating, then self-punishment. I felt like once I had started eating something, I physically could not stop. I’d then feel extremely disappointed in myself and either restrict my eating severely, smash myself in the gym, or – even worse – throw up.
I constantly felt like I was “losing control”. It was one of the lowest points in my life. Months passed before I realised that in order to be happy, I would need to change my mindset. Instead of eating and exercising to look a certain way, I started to bring in healthy habits to my life to FEEL a certain way. I started being kinder to myself, and as a result I started to feel like myself again. The more I gently moved towards sustainable, healthy habits, the more confident I felt. I started to feel stronger and fitter – and found the enjoyment in food that I had lost in New York.
This doesn’t mean I have it together all the time – I still have insecurities and sometimes fall back into that guilty mindset. But what I have learned is to forgive myself and move on far quicker than I used to. For me, confidence is something I find in the people around me; Laura, who motivates me and lifts me up, Josh, who is always my ally no matter what, and my parents and brother who love me unconditionally. They’re my support network and they have helped me through every high and low.
I’m not perfect, but nobody is. I’m unique – and that’s what’s beautiful. My body is my greatest asset, and is what enables me to live this life, which is full of incredible opportunities and people.
Learning to love myself and my body wasn’t easy, but that’s exactly why Laura and I created Keep It Cleaner. We are so passionate about helping other women live life to the fullest, and showing them that living a healthy lifestyle is the key to success and happiness. I’m so happy that I now love my body for what it can do, rather than what it looks like. And helping other women find that balance every single day is what makes me happier than anything!